Figuring out that your worst day was really a great day

Figuring out that your worst day was really a great day
September 9th, 2010

I recently attended a self-improvement conference and one of the themes that we discussed was “making your worst day, your best day”. After spending more time with this idea, I have decided that you don’t really make it your best day, but instead you change your perception of things to better understand all of the positives that can come from a “bad day” or a pivotal moment in life.

As many of you are aware, I became very ill last September and had many of my physical strengths borrowed from me for some time. It has been almost one year to the day since that occurred and I am able to look back at that moment and really measure all of the positives that have resulted from a seemingly awful experience.

Here is a short list of the positives that resulted from my illness; I learned that…
• The true nature and scope of my positive attitude is so powerful and that it really can overcome incredible obstacles
• Family is the most important and often most taken for granted aspect of a young adults life. Also that your parents love you as much or more then you ever imagined and even at age thirty three, they will give anything to keep you safe
• My wife is incredible
• Momentary pause to check what course you are following is extremely important
• The universe is whispering to us every day and if we ignore it long enough it will turn up the volume and intensity until she is heard
• Strange things that happen in life, coincidences that are not coincidences at all and that there are reasons beyond our understanding for events that shape our world
• Being forced to be a “stay at home dad” for a year is a pretty awesome thing and that we can learn as much from our children, even in infancy, as we’ll ever teach them
• I have a purpose on this Earth and that it is my job to find it, follow it and achieve it.
• People are thinking of you even when you least expect it and that old friends are still good friends they just appear less frequently in person in our daily lives
• Your hometown is always your hometown
• Strangers care about other strangers and the power of empathy is baked into our nature as humans and that we need to return to that very nature if we are going to survive as a species
• Who you are is not a one dimensional thing. Our being has so much depth and is different to so many people but is still attached to the larger person that we know as ourselves
• Finally that the voice inside of us, our spirit, is the truth, it knows the truth and is our compass leading towards health and happiness. The voice that we often hear opposing it is just our ego and is a creation of our physical mind which is weaker than spirit. Learning to separate the two and to follow the truth is not easy but is necessary to really living our life.

I apologize for the bullet format but as you can see there have been a lot huge lessons that I take as positive and that have led me in a better direction in life. My family and I have returned to Canada and our so happy to back nearer to our families. I am rapidly approaching 100% health and am very thankful for all of my lessons.

Thank you to all of the people who pray for us and who gave any amount of money or kindness in an effort to help stay on track. We are filled with the love that you shared with us and we have every intention of paying it back into the system each and every day of our lives.

Jim Moss

PS I am still going to space!

Health status update and some insights that are working for me

It has been about 10 weeks now since I fell ill. A lot has happened in that time and it has mostly been wonderful. For whatever reason, we have been able to see my illness as a blessing and used it to refocus on the simple but important things in life. Oddly enough they are generally the things that fill a great amount of the immediate time and space that surrounds our life. Family, close friends, pets, comfort food, sunrises, sunsets, time spent on positive projects, early morning walks, the feeling of the ground beneath your feet, cold air on your face, the smell of a baby, the laughter of a toddler. Not since college have I taken the time to really focus on being better and healthier like I have recently and back then it was a very thin approach focused at broad based learning and physical strength. Since becoming ill, I have taken a much more complete approach at getting physically, mentally and spiritually healthy. My internal dialogue has never been so positive or reinforcing.  I am able to see the positive in almost anything. I am able to stay present or regain presence easily in most situations. I make healthier more conscious decisions, and more consistently. I spend time on my physical health but have been forced to refocus on the simple basic things like stretching, yoga and meditation. I am assessing what does and does not make me happy, what is avoidable and what is unavoidable and how to accept the unavoidable knowing that I am doing everything I can do.

I just got a call from the Rehab co-coordinator and they have granted me two more weeks with my Rehab without Walls – where they come to the house for therapy. This is great news for getting back on track before transitioning to outpatient therapy.  I have slid backwards since the birth of the baby, but the good news was that I started to get a bit of a cold and I was able to fight it off, even with the tremendous lack of rest. Our families have been awesome and Jennifer’s parents are still with us and have been so helpful. My ability to walk is greatly reduced as I fatigue and I have had to use the cane most days at some point over the past week. There have been nights were there was only 3-4 hours of sleep and prior to this my body has been requiring 12 hours of sleep each day. The most prevailing symptom is fatigue, without a doubt. It is very obvious how focus, positive mentality, and consciousness or presence is all much more difficult to manage when you don’t have enough rest.

I am using today, Monday morning, as a time to refocus, get back to some simple short term goal setting and try to not lose any more ground this week. After that I can get focused on regaining the recent loses. I am walking and functioning around the house pretty well, I have to take breaks and try to find some time to get horizontal and rest even if it isn’t napping. I can help out around the house a fair bit and can play with Wyatt pretty normally but I have to watch to not burn up to much energy in one blast, it made me sick the other night after a good wrestling session but it was worth It! I can cook a full big meal and do simple grocery shopping, take care of the dog (but Grandpa Doug has been doing a great job of that), and I can help with the baby by changing diapers and getting Jennifer what she needs around the house. I am able to run to the store and drive to the mall but have learned that the commotion and amount of energy required by a full trip out on my own is probably a little too much still and I have to be careful and make good decisions or I pay for it.

All in all things are very good and I am so grateful for the health that I have, the lessons I continue to learn and the health and happiness of Jennifer, Wyatt and our newest addition, Olivia. Life is good and only getting better each day.

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers. How could anything get you down when you have this in your life (see picture below)

JM

Back on the horse - but honesty first

           So, today is Halloween, October 31, 2009. It also happens to be the seven-week mark since I called 911 to take me to the hospital. Since that time, so much has happened. For anyone that might be reading this blog for the first time, here is a quick recap of the situation: I’m a 32-year old professional athlete who contracted Guillain Barre Syndrome. This is an illness that attacks your immune and your peripheral nervous system. I have a 36-week pregnant wife and a two-year old to care for. I’ve been fortunate through all this to have the incredible support from friends and family. This has helped me to be very open to this experience and in turn, share it with others as a tool for personal learning.

             Day 42 - This past week was particularly interesting. Last Sunday my progress began to slightly regress. I felt a minor sensation loss in my finger tips, thumb, palms, in the soles of my feet and big toes. I admit – I was scared. The fear of starting all over again was a lot to contemplate. I had no doubt that I would, and could start again from scratch if I had to, but it was still very worrisome for me. We wondered if I had been over-doing it. This seemed the most likely since it is in my personality to go more than to rest. So, we slowed down, backed off on therapy a bit and I went in to see the Neurologist. She was only mildly worried as this can be normal but is repeating the tests to get an accurate measure. She was concerned about my anxiety levels and the amount of stress that this experience is causing due to our unique situation with Jenny being so pregnant.

             As a part of my learning I am going to share as honestly as I can about how I am feeling and what brought me down this week;

             In the immediate term I have lost a lot of what makes up my life. I spent 28 days in hospital. I lost the ability to walk and relearned how quickly things can change in an instant. I have not been able to spoil my pregnant wife like a pregnant wife should be spoiled. I can mostly take care of myself around the house but I don’t feel safe being alone with my son yet. I can’t run out and get donuts at midnight for Jenny. I cannot drive. I’m not able to just get up and leave the house, to blow off steam or escape or get a change of atmosphere. I cannot control what stress factors come into the home where I am mostly sequestered. I wake up with headaches most days. For the first time since I can remember, I cannot touch my toes and stretching is like a full game of Lacrosse. I have pain every day to varying degrees. I cannot work yet.  When I do try to work I have a hard time with the stress and feel anxious. I have to take medications every day and I don’t like it. I miss people and the world, even the strangers and especially the odd and unexpected things. I miss my friends and I hated to learn the tough lesson that some friends step up and others disappear when times are tough. Family is supremely important and should never be undervalued or taken for granted. It seems too, that everyone has their own shit and we often think ours smells the worse (mine only sort of stinks). The financial impact of this is not fully understood yet and it will get worse before it will get better. I am OK with all of this. It is my reality and it could be much worse. I am OK with all of this. I am OK with all of this. I am OK with all of this.

              Now for the positives and what I’ve learned:

              Luckily, I only have Guillain Barre Syndrome and I will heal from it and return to a full and normal life. My medical attention was incredible               and saved me from a far worse experience. My wife and family have been incredible and I appreciate their efforts since there is no text book for how you deal with something like this. My mom and dad have set an incredible example for how a parent should love their child. My recovery has been astonishing to this point and a few setbacks or plateaus are normal and are OK. I should not get ahead of myself and I should continue to use my healing time to be better in every way; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. My home is safe, I am lucky to have it. Finances will work themselves out and the sacrifice of things and luxuries is small in exchange for my health. Staying         present, in control and clear minded is difficult but supremely important to health and good decision making. Meditation is an excellent tool. You can learn to accept pain and welcome it and it listens. I am filled with love and energy and need to focus it inward right now to heal myself so I can better share it with the world when I am back on my feet. I have all that I need and will need. My baby girl will be born soon and both she and Jennifer will be healthy and happy and our family will flourish.

              Thanks to all of you for providing me with this forum to express myself honestly, explore my feelings openly so I can heal. I feel much better after writing this all out.

              Love you all,

              JM